Woman in Blume: August 2024 A Journey To Self-Worth

Greetings

As we near the end of August, I hope this month’s newsletter, with a focus on self-worth, will inspire and encourage you to take time for introspection, reflection, and gratitude as you explore what it means to feel ‘worthy’ and how you can cultivate your ‘self-worth.’ 

As I reflected on all the various contributions and Women’s Day tributes during the past month on various platforms, many of them focused on empowering women and celebrating those who made an impact or contributed in a significant way, with many of the women featured being in senior or leadership roles.

That left me with a realisation: What about all the women who don’t feel significant, seen, heard, valued, and so on, yet still persevere despite their circumstances?

No matter your age, role, or years of experience, I celebrate you in every moment of strength and weakness, perfection and imperfection, courage and fear, because you can be many things, infinitely complex, all at once and worthy.

Challenge & Reframe

Do you have days when you feel you’re not good enough and struggle with feelings of being unworthy? Perhaps these are related to imposter syndrome at work or a relationship where you are constantly seeking validation to affirm your worth. Does any of this ring true?

We can choose to silence our internal critic, challenge our thoughts, and practice reframing our mindset. By doing so, we start to create new neural pathways by changing our negative thoughts into thoughts that inspire and motivate us to become better versions of ourselves.

I posted this recenlty on Instagram, “Some days, I look in the mirror and see all my flaws. Other days, I see a warrior. Both are real. Both are me. I’ve realised that’s okay.”  On those days I choose to challenge those thoughts and reframe my mindset.  

Recognising that we are infinitely complex, full of flaws and able to be courageous like a warrior.  Self-compassion is allowing the contradiction by giving ourselves permission to be both, and being okay amidst the contradiction. This is where the journey to self-worth begins. Let’s get started!

Self-Worth versus Self-Confidence

A good starting point is understanding self-worth versus self-confidence—what it is and what it’s not. Confident people don’t necessarily always have high self-worth. 

Confidence is developed through skills and practice, whereas self-worth is your internal validation that you belong, are valued, and that no external factors can determine your place in this world.

Jamie Kern Lima’s perfectly captures the differences in her book called Worthy: “Self-worth is what you feel on the inside. It is the internal, deep-rooted belief that you are enough and worthy of love and belonging, just as you are. Self-worth is based on identity.

Self-confidence is linked to external things that

can fluctuate often.  It can rise and fall based on mood, comparisons, circumstances, performance, and approval from others.  Self-confidence is what you show on the outside”.  

Here are 8 practical steps to cultivate and sustain your self-worth:

• Step 1: Introspection

• Step 2: Challenging & Reframing

• Step 3: Nurture Self-Compassion

• Step 4: Practice Self-Care

• Step 5: Goal Setting

• Step 6: Setting Boundaries

• Step 7: Reflect & Celebrate Milestones

• Step 8: Seek Support & Ongoing Personal Development

Step 1: Introspection

Set aside time for introspection (which involves looking inward to examine your own thoughts, feelings, and motivations. It's about understanding your internal mental and emotional states) and consider:

• How do you see yourself?

• What makes you feel worthy?

• What makes you feel unworthy?

Journal all the positive and negative thoughts that come to mind.

Step 2: Challenging & Reframing

Negative thoughts come in many different forms. Here are two common examples and ways to reframe them:

Negative thought pattern #1: I’m not good enough.

• Reframed: I’m on a journey of growth and learning. Every step I take is bringing me closer to where I want to be.

Negative thought pattern #2: I am a failure.

• Reframed: I’ve faced setbacks, but they don’t define me. Each challenge is an opportunity to learn and try again with more wisdom.

Learn to silence your internal critic, write them down and consider an alternative. Practice reframing them. What do they look like now?

By doing this daily, you will start to build new neural pathways that recognise positive thoughts and will result in a change in mindset.

Step 3: Nurture Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself and nurture self-compassion. Self-compassion is being “kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings” (Neff, n.d.).

Consider the following self-compassion practice:

• Imagine a negative thought like “I am a failure” taking centre stage in your mind. Ask yourself whether you would speak to a colleague, family member, or friend with the same negative narrative. Imagine how they would feel in that moment.

• Write down all your negative narratives that come to mind. 

• Follow the examples in Step 2 by challenging and reframing your negative narratives and replacing each one with a more compassionate response. 

Allow self-compassion and acknowledge whatever you’re feeling in the moment.

• Practice acceptance and remind yourself that you are worthy. 

• Practice forgiving yourself for past mistakes or where you let yourself down. 

Step 4: Practice Self-Care

Self-care is important; be intentional and invest in it. Better self-care will support your self-worth journey.

• Identify Your Needs: Reflect on what brings you joy, relaxation, and rejuvenation. Consider areas requiring more attention, such as physical activity, adequate sleep, or social connection.

• Set Priorities: Assess your commitments and identify where self-care can fit into your schedule. Remember, even small pockets of time matter.

• Prioritise self-care like any important appointment. Block dedicated time in your calendar, treat it seriously, and be flexible as your needs evolve.

• Explore and Experiment: Try various activities like pilates, spending time in nature, reading or engaging in a hobbies, importanlty, find something that resonates with you.

Step 5: Goal Setting

Set yourself small goals, whether daily or weekly, relating to self-care. These could be anything related to building your self-worth; two examples could be around:

• Negative thoughts

• Boundaries

Goal setting should be SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound). Write down your goals and base them on the SMART goal principles.

Step 6: Setting Boundaries

This is one way to show yourself self-respect. 

• Establish Boundaries: Consider what boundaries you need to set, whether at work or at home. 

• Learn to say no and delegate tasks when necessary. 

• Write them down and be specific about each boundary and what you will do to make it possible.

Step 7: Reflect & Celebrate Milestones

At the end of each week, review your goals and reflect on the following:

• What went well during the past week and why?

• What didn’t go well and why?

• Where can I make adjustments to my goals going forward?

Journal these reflections and consider what could be improved in each area. Don’t forget to celebrate the milestones, whether big or small.

Step 8: Seek Support & Ongoing Personal Development

Seek Support: Don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or professionals who can provide both encouragement and accountability. 

• Recognise those in your circle who support and uplift you versus those who bring you down. Be intentional about surrounding yourself with those who positively contribute into your life and celebrate your successes.

• Consider the type of support you require: Is it from a spouse, friend, mentor, therapist, counsellor, or coach?

Ongoing Personal Development: Be intentional about developing your self-worth. 

• What steps can you take to maintain your self-worth over time? 

• How will you hold yourself accountable?

Remember, building self-worth is a journey, not a destination. Start with these steps, be kind to yourself, and show yourself grace along the way.

Please reach out, I am available for a free 30 minute no-obligation call should you have any questions or require further guidance.

Kind regards,

Angelique

P.S. Let this Women’s Month signal the start of being intentional by investing in your self-worth and growing your capacity across your mental, physical, and emotional well-being daily.